Friday, September 6, 2013
Grindhouse #3: Evil Unleashed: The Mummy / The Zombie Chronicles (2002 - 2003)
"Shock and Awe."
Before I start my review on both films, I have seen some bad movies. Read my previous reviews for Other Side of the Game, A Walk in My Shoes, I Spit on Your Grave 2010, etc. I think this might take the cake in terms of horrendous movies that I have ever seen. There will be spoilers, but, I don't think that many people will be seeking this Blu-ray 3D out. You have been warned.
Evil Unleashed: The Mummy (2003): .5/5
In the days of ancient Egypt, Princess Nefertiesia wants to live forever and gives herself to a demon God. Thousands of years later, in Egypt, her remains were found and the poor souls who discovered it were killed by scorpions. The remains of Nefertiesia are somehow transported to America to some school for special needs college kids. At least, that's what I think because our protagonists in this film must of had some sort of mental problems with all the alcohol consumption and stupid answers that are given in their professor's classes. When the Mummy of Princess Nefertiesia is set loose; all kinds of wacky shenanigans and murder is beset on the four kids.
If you noticed that I took a serious approach to the first part of the last paragraph and just went from smart to stupid in one sentence, that's this film in a nut shell. This is one of the worst films that I have ever sat through. I prayed for the seventy-four minutes to come fast and thankfully, it did. However, the acting is atrocious! I couldn't feel any connection to this film and felt brain cells just firing off and dying in my brain. I couldn't recommend this to anyone, .5/5.
The Zombie Chronicles (2002): .5/5
Tara is a writer who is searching for a small town. Upon driving, she hits a man who talks like a loony drunk. She agrees to give the man a ride in return to going to this small town. The old man stops her at a busted and weathered barn to discuss the history of this supposed place. He proceeds to tell the story of a retired soldier and his girlfriend who are haunted by a zombie. Then, he finally tells the story of three college kids who awake a two-hundred year old zombie cowboy and his family. Tara goes off calling the old man crazy and he disappears, making Tara wonder what is really going on.
Just as atrocious as the first film on this disc. The seventy-one minutes went at an ok pace. Other than that, boo hoo. This was crap. I will honestly say that the visual effects used on the one college girl who had her face ripped off by a zombie was pretty good. .5/5
Before I start the video portion, I do not have a 3D TV, so these reviews are based off of the 2D versions that are presented on the disc. And besides, how good can these look in 3D anyway?
P.S: I don't know if they tried to shoot these with some sort of 3D equipment at the time, there's some strange things with these transfers.
Evil Unleashed: The Mummy (2003) - .5/5
Presented with an MPEG4 AVC transfer in 1.33:1. The video quality is horrendous! I cannot distinguish whether or not if this movie was shot on VHS or miniDV or something else or an overall combination of multiple formats. The quality is all over the place, even with some of the footage looking like blown up VCD footage. .5/5
The Zombie Chronicles (2002): .5/5
Could the transfer get worse than the previous film? Yes! It can and it does with The Zombie Chronicles. I am calling it that this was shot on VHS or that this master used was a VHS tape blown up to HD. One of the things that shows off the horrendous quality is that oddly the color yellow is completely shifted to the right of the screen. Not sure if was some sort of 3D conversion that went wrong or not. .5/5.
Both films on this disc are presented in English with a plain Dolby Digital 2.0 track. It's pretty rough by my standards and if you go through my reviews, I am pretty lean on audio. You'll hear glitching and clicks here and there. Other than that, sounds like audio from a VHS tape. You'd be surprised how the horrible audio compliments the horrible video. .5/5.
We have trailers for the other "Grindhouse" films which this is disc is marketed as. It's funny that the titles for several of these films has the same cheesy video generated titles that you would see on porn from the 80's and 90's. Other than that, nothing else. 1/5.
I managed to pick this up used for $6. I honestly cannot recommend this Blu-ray at all unless you like bad movies. I love a bad movie like the rest of us, but, I don't know anymore. I honestly don't. Is this the worst thing to grace Blu-ray 3D? Let's wait until I get Traumatic Possession 3D: The Tape comes out to judge. 1/5.